Raising Our Future Generations (Part 7): Series Conclusion
Your child is in high school and is soon to graduate; that means graduation! Understandably graduation is a very exciting and important time in the life of an individual. Depending on where you live, this event is “celebrated” in different ways. For us here in the West, it means grad parties, dances and the graduation ceremony. As parents we will be excited and proud of our children and as a result may be tempted to allow our kids to attend many of the events associated with graduation. In reality though it would be a mistake. Most, if not all these events involve disobedience to Allaah; besides the free intermingling there is the issue of finding a date for the prom, witnessing shirk (as many graduation ceremonies are grounded in pagan rituals) and other questionable acts/ customs. This does not mean you as a family can’t do something for your kids and make it a special occasion though. By all means, hold a dinner to which you invite family and friends or do something else to make your child feel happy at the time. However, do not compromise and allow your child to attend the school grad. There are many who may oppose this, however, it is my duty to tell it like it is. We are going to be held accountable for all these things on the day of Judgement.
With regards to sexuality, we touched briefly on the matter in the last article. Parents, your kids are human and will have crushes on guys and gals and all that sort of thing. You have told them already that it is haraam for them to have boy/ girlfriends and you made certain to have them not be put in mixed groups for projects just as you keep your social functions segregated. However, they will still likely feel attraction to others of the opposite sex and have “desires”. Realizing this, you need to talk to them about this issue. Let them know you are aware of it and it is only natural. But also teach them about sexual discipline. Teach them about lowering their gaze, fasting and so forth. Educate them of certain rulings such as masturbation being haraam and encourage them to come to you when they feel they cannot stand being “alone” any longer. Talk to them about marriage and assure them that if they have the urge of being with a person of the opposite sex then marriage is the only lawful option. Comfort them by telling them that you will be supportive should they decide to take that route. Teach them what the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) taught and not the opposite. Remember that he encouraged young people to marry and advised them to fast if they were not capable of marrying. Don’t be foolish and discourage marriage at a young age because you “think” they won’t be able to manage. Be supportive of your kids and assist them in making the right decisions. The only way we can be successful in all this is by communicating well with our children.
More often these days I am seeing kids in Middle and High School with cell phones. May I ask what their “need” for cell phones is? There may be some who do need them, but I am absolutely certain that they are rare cases. For the most part it’s to be “cool” and so they can chat with their friends (usually non-Muslim) etc… Parents, wake up and smell the coffee! Don’t give in to each and every request from your child. Let me blunt; in most cases we give in to these requests because we want to compensate for our shortcomings. We think that by giving them what they want our kids will love us and like us more. Think again! The same goes for laptops and requests for TVs in their rooms. I’m not saying you shouldn’t get your kid a laptop (or computer) if they really need one, but make sure you monitor what they’re doing with it. Many of us have no idea what’s out there and see computers and internet access as a harmless thing. Indeed it has its benefits but the potential dangers and harms are also great.
Peer pressure and the power of the media are no joke! Check this out:
http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/friend/peer_pressure.html and
http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=240&np=300&id=2059. They are a reality and when we look at our kids we can see that many of them are victims. As for how to counter them, then basically it is by communicating openly and clearly with our children and also by equipping them with the tools to develop a distinct identity. If we continuously remind our kids (in different ways-not nagging and lecturing) of "who" we are and how we are special and instill in them Islaamic values then this will be a very powerful tool in combatting peer pressure as well as media pressure. Talk about (don't simply lecture) and discuss why certain things are unacceptable and why hanging out with non-Muslim "friends" and being too accepting of what happens in this society are a mistake. Parents, for the most part we have
chosen to live here and so we need to be responsible. We live in a corrupt society, one which lacks morals and one in which indecency is widespread; we have no choice but to be firm in raising our children and making clear to them what is right from what is wrong. However, it is important we teach them the "why" also. Along with this, I urge one and all to seriously consider hijrah.
This series of brief articles is meant to draw our attention to the importance of raising children properly according to Islaamic principles. I believe we have just barely scratched the surface through them and ask Allaah to guide us parents to give the matter more serious thought. I urge myself and the reader to educate ourselves on how to fulfil this very serious obligation of tarbiyah.
Points to remember:
- Never forget the magnitude of this responsibility
- Always spend quality time with your family
- Be the best example/ role model to your kids
- Trust your kids, but monitor them closely to protect them from others
- Always keep lines of communication open with them
- Befriend them but never forget nor let them forget who is in charge
- As parents, work together as a team (i.e. husband and wife)
- Use appropriate methods of teaching as well as discipline
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help from trusted, reliable people (with proper Islaamic knowledge) if the need arises
- Don’t give in to kids’ demands out of guilt
- Remember that we will be questioned by Allaah for how we raise them
